– Jess Robertson shares her home birth birth story, and why she loved the experience –
Have any of you experienced that phenomenon of wanting something SO badly and then when you’re finally IN IT, you’re like “I immediately regret this decision!”
I can think of many times this has happened in my life… jumping out of a perfectly good plane, traveling to Africa alone at 18, backpacking across Europe with someone I barely knew, getting a tattoo of a bible verse… on my lower back. And again, within a couple of weeks of peeing on a stick and seeing that positive pregnancy sign, when I started puking my brains out.
And didn’t stop. For 5 months.
This article is written by Jess Robertson
For more on this topic, check out the full Pregnancy Through Postpartum collection
Research During Pregnancy
People would try to make me feel better by telling me this meant my baby was healthy…or smart. But all I could think about was how something the size of a kidney bean was preventing me from eating a saltine cracker.
Things got better around 22 weeks, but that was when the real anxiety started to set in. I didn’t realize you had to make so many decisions when you become a parent. And I’m not talking about what color to paint the nursery they will never sleep in.
I spent 7 hours a day researching the best diapers and wipes and butt creams. Butt cream.
Moms, did you ever think you would spend so much of your time looking at ingredients on the backs of products and researching what said ingredients were? I probably called my poor mom 10 times a day going “Did you use this on me when I was a baby? This causes cancer!”
Attending Birth Class
Around 25 weeks, it was time to attend our birthing class.
After 8 hours of learning about the phases of labor and hospital policy and procedure, we walked out of our class completely overwhelmed. I was totally planning on giving birth in a hospital like a majority of women. Sure, I had the dream of having a water birth for like 5 seconds after seeing that Ricki Lake movie in 2008, but I also wanted to be an FBI agent after watching The X-Files. These things fade, ya know?
But I went home after our class and, per the instructor’s recommendation, I began working on my birth plan. You know, that thing that goes out the window the second you go into labor and all you can think about is “get this thing out of me…stat!” Yah, well my birth plan was about fourteen pages long. I’ve always been an over-achiever so this didn’t surprise people who know me. But my OCD and control freak-ness (yes that’s a word) got the best of me and I started panicking about giving birth at a hospital.
Considering a Home Birth
My online researching time increased to about 12 hours a day. And, once again, my husband and I started discussing our options. Should we add a doula to the hospital birth plan? Do we need to revisit the home birth idea? Should I just suck it up? I didn’t like that last option at all, of course.
When I tried to envision my labor and birth, not once did I see it happening in a hospital room. Now, I acknowledge that home birth is not for everyone. And I know many people that have had wonderful hospital births. But if you’ve ever considered having a home birth and just thought it was too dangerous or too difficult or too scary, I encourage you to do the research. Ask the questions. Find out for yourself. It was the best door I’ve ever opened…
Home Birth Benefit: I got to choose my birth team
Birth is already a very unpredictable experience. I didn’t need any more surprises, like Nurse Ratched. We started meeting with midwives and doulas, and chose every person we wanted to be there (thank god for credit cards).
Home Birth Benefit: Amazing Prenatal Visits
My 10 minute prenatal visits with a doctor were now hour-long therapy sessions with a birthing team. This is what I had been missing all along. They got to know me and my husband. They talked to our little guy. We explored my concerns and fears, and I felt understood. The talks of medications and epidurals and sanitary birthing rooms were replaced with talks of essential oils and a birthing tub and our own bedroom. Which brings me to…
Home Birth Benefit: Giving Birth in the Comfort of Home
I hate hospitals… being unnecessarily poked and prodded… having to wear hospital gowns in hospital beds. I wanted to wear whatever I wanted, eat whatever I wanted, be in whatever position I wanted to be in. And I wanted a water birth.
Home Birth Birth Story
It was almost 2 weeks past my due date when I went into labor on a Sunday at 2:30 in the morning. My doula arrived first and helped me with my meditation and breathing, while my husband got the birthing tub ready. Those things are no joke people. They should have a class for them.
The first 12 hours were actually really peaceful and went by pretty fast. But as soon as I began pushing, we realized something was off. Our little guy had turned and was no longer in an ideal position. Panic and fear filled my body as everyone quietly discussed options. They checked his heart rate. He was doing great.
After 3 hours of pushing with no progress, they decided to call in the head midwife that had trained all of them. This was my lowest point of the day. I felt completely hopeless in that moment and for the first time questioned my decision to have a home birth.
Home Water Birth
I remember climbing back into the birthing tub, the beautiful birthing mix my husband had made me was playing in the background, and as he sat with me, I just continued to push with every. single. contraction.
I tried to focus on the fact that we would get to meet our little guy soon.
When the head midwife arrived, the energy in the room suddenly changed. She assessed me and the situation, and calmly and confidently said “You’re going to have a baby.”
She told me exactly what we needed to do, and with all 6 of us adults on our Ikea bed (yes, it broke), I gave birth to a beautiful, almost 10 lb. baby boy.
They handed him to me and this peace flooded my entire body. In that moment, it was as if I had gone to another world to bring him here and I returned to my body in the same moment he was earthside. Surreal is the only way to describe it.
The pain was gone. Just like that. It was replaced with pure joy. I couldn’t stop looking at him.
He was here. My baby was safe. He was mine.
And in that moment, I became a mom.
Want to read more birth stories?! Check out:
A VBAC Birth Story, and How Each Birth was Different for this Mom
For more on this topic, check out the full Pregnancy Through Postpartum collection
Featured Contributor: Jess Robertson
Jess lives in Redlands, CA with her hubby and two boys. She is the owner of Honest Mama, which was born out of the desire to connect with mamas everywhere. You can follow her crazy and beautiful journey through motherhood on Instagram: @honestmama.co
- Website: honestmama.co
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- Instagram: @honestmama.co
