How to Handle Your Relationship with Your Kids When They Become College Students
One of the biggest push/pulls of parenting is wanting your kids to grow up and into the adults that they are meant to be. But also never wanting them to grow up and leave the nest. And one of the biggest adjustments with this dynamic, is how to transition your relationship with them as they start to lead their own lives. There is no instruction manual to show you the steps to take that are ultimately right or wrong, no matter what. But that can actually be an advantage. You have spent eighteen years preparing your kids, and yourself, for this time, and you probably know more than you think. But just in case, here are few pointers to consider along the way.
For more on this topic, check out the full All About Teen and collection
Help But Don’t Hover
True you child is more capable of being independent now than in years before. But that does not mean that they do not still need your guidance in certain areas. While they might not want you calling them every day to make sure they are eating healthy foods, they might appreciate your wisdom in more tactical areas of college, like finances. Paying for an education is not cheap. And if loans are involved, it is not as easy as writing a check and that’s that. Loans involve applications, qualifications, interest rates, terms, lenders, and much more.
Your child is going to need you to help them navigate the world of borrowing money so that they make sound choices now that set them up to be able to manage them successfully in the future. You can take out a student loan from a private lender to pay for college and get help with tuition costs not covered by traditional student loans. Be sure you are acting as a guide, and a reference though, doing everything for your kids throughout this process does not teach them anything. Instead let them drive the bus and simply be available in the passenger seat when they need some extra support.
Find a Communication Rhythm
Some parents speak to their children every day. While others at a lower frequency, and that is what is the norm for their family. When your kids leave the house, you might be saddened by the fact that you do not see and speak to them every day by default of them living in your home. However, that sadness is not their burden to bear. And you must make the effort not to make it so. Find a communication rhythm that makes sense for your family in this new stage. Maybe that means a pre-determined weekly Zoom, or daily texts to check in. However, this looks for you, resist the urge to track your child’s phone and check in incessantly when loneliness strikes. Give them the space to build their new life as a young adult in college.
[Read: 7 Life Strategies Your Child Needs Before They Go to College]
Be Their Safe Space
The last thing you want is for physical distance to create emotional distance as well. You have been a safe place to land for your kids up until this point, and it is important that they know you will continue to be in spite of this new stage of life. It can be difficult for kids to open up to parents when the subject matter is sensitive. So reassure them that there is nothing they can’t share with you. It’s fact that ignoring your emotions is unhealthy. And when kids internalize emotional struggles it can manifest in behaviors and choices with long-term, and sometime dangerous consequences.
For more on this topic, check out the full All About Teen and collection
