Tradition, usually, is here for a reason. Customs and practices won’t cement themselves in a vacuum, and in many cases considering the tradition can help you see rewarding, good sense. For example, the tradition of asking a bride’s parents for her hand in marriage, while outdated in terms of her not being the “property” of her parents in any way, can be a nice gesture to make sure you have the approval of the family before you become part of it.
That doesn’t mean you have to follow tradition at every single step of the road. Sometimes, you can flex the rules, or bend them to your will, or subvert them entirely. In some cases, that can be the best option. For example, perhaps you’re not interested in having a wedding in a church, but you’d much prefer to have it on a beach, or even scuba diving with your partner.
Let’s consider, then, five additional myths and traditions to subvert should you be so inclined. This isn’t a prescription of course, but a nice thought experiment you can use to determine what you actually want, and what may be best for your partner.
For more on this topic, check out the full Be My Valentine collection
Myth: Bigger Ring, Better Proposal
There’s a sense that if you don’t spend three months of your salary on a ring, it’s not a good ring. The pure discipline of craftsmanship disproves that through and through, and it’s not as if a good partner will care about the dollar amount of the token you provide them, only if they love it, and if it will last. Moreover, with lab grown diamonds that look perfect, there’s functionally no difference between this and the traditional diamond trade which, as we know, can sometimes be unethical in practice. So, you not only save a little money, but you gather a beautiful, and better-sourced engagement ring because of your willingness to break tradition a little. A rare win-win.
Myth: Proposals Should Be Grand & Public
There’s a sense that a proposal many people have the chance to witness is somehow better or more romantic. We’ve seen planes write messages in the sky, or ball game cameras track solely to a couple in the audience. These can be nice proposal methods of course, but that doesn’t mean they’re perfect for you from the ground up.
If you want something more intimate, or to propose not in the restaurant but after, or to do so in a private space of your choosing, well, that’s great too.
Myth: Waiting Too Long For A Proposal Implies A Problem
Now, everyone will have their opinion on this. Some might suggest you should propose after around two or three years of being together, others suggest it should be later, some even sooner. But the truth is that there’s no perfect time to do it other than the one you choose. Some couples can be together for a decade before finally popping the question. Some may never even do so, perfectly happy with the love and connection without necessarily tying their financial or spiritual connections so closely. If it’s right for you as a couple, and you can discuss this maturely, then you shouldn’t necessarily propose. Like having a child, proposing out of a sense of obligation is never a good idea.
Myth: All Proposals Need To Be A Surprise
When you think about it, proposals are quite an intense agreement. Not only are you asking someone to spend the rest of their life with you, but that also implies broad familial, financial, and lifestyle changes Of course, there’s a deep romance in that, so most of us accept that change for what it is.
That being said, your proposal doesn’t have to be a top-secret classified decision that only the intelligence services should know about. Sometimes, a mature and healthy discussion with your partner about if now is the right time can help you enjoy a cleaner, more comforting engagement than one your partner isn’t prepared for. This doesn’t throw out the romance, it only makes you both more aware of what to expect, what you’re comfortable with, and if you can support the marriage now. Weddings can be expensive after all, and perhaps you both just need a little more time before you feel ready. That’s great too.
With this advice, we hope you can see that proposals, either traditional or nontraditional, are about you. This means you and your partner alike get to decide how they run, not your family, nor friends,nor an internet post like this one. Understanding that gives you the relief to relax and enjoy your possible engagement. We wish you the best of luck in your planning!
For more on this topic, check out the full Be My Valentine collection
