What to Do When Your Kid Loses Their Backpack
I saw a commercial that went something like this… Again? He lost his backpack again? And he expects mom to replace it with another one because… he’s cute, he has that plaintive little boy tone in his voice, because he exists? The fact is he’s going to get a new backpack because this is a commercial for a company that pays you a rebate for all your online purchases. Mom is getting rebates and has money to burn, sort of.
This article is written by Fern Weis
For more on this topic, check out the full Saving Money collection
Parenting Challenges
Here are some parenting challenges that came up for me as I watched:
- enabling
- not taking responsibility for self and possessions
- entitlement
- over-consumption
- inability to set limits
- fear of child’s reaction
- the value of money and hard work
- making assumptions
This one line said all of that. Admittedly, it pushed my buttons because he said “again”. But let’s face it, it isn’t just about a backpack. It’s about attitudes, expectations, fears and values. It’s what I write about, and what I teach. So let’s dive in.
8 Reasons Why Not to Always or Immediately Replace Your Kid’s Backpack
1. Enabling (parents)
Whose problem is it when the child loses his backpack, again? His, of course. It’s time for mom to step back and let him experience the inconvenience of not having one. It’s also time to put some conditions on how he gets another one.
2. Taking responsibility for yourself and your possessions (kids)
(See #1) – Knowing that someone will replace a lost or damaged item means you never have to worry about taking care of it, or living without it. That doesn’t bode well for this child’s future.
3. Entitlement (kids)
It’s an attitude that says, “I am, therefore I deserve.” When you indulge that, you feed the attitude and starve the growth of your children.
4. Over-consumption (kids and parents)
As a society, we are accustomed to replacing things, whether it is warranted or not. Obsolescence, carelessness, or instant gratification, we do it. We also complain about finances, so there is a real disconnect here.
5. Inability to set and enforce limits (parents)
You know kids need limits because a) the experts and research tell us so and b) you see and experience what happens when there are no limits. It’s not pretty. So what keeps you from putting limits in place? See #6.
6. Fear of your kids’ reactions (parents)
Fear is the greatest motivator for, or hindrance to, doing what needs to be done. Perhaps you fear your child’s anger, a tantrum or explosion, or the dreaded “I hate you!” In other areas of your life you may be fearless, but feel vulnerable within your family. Tap into that courage and use it where it counts the most, with your children. Remember, “I hate you” is a strategic maneuver on their part. And, unpleasant as it is, you will both live through the tantrum.
7. The value of money and hard work (kids and parents)
You work hard for your money. Many of you remember working for what you had as kids, that things weren’t just handed to you. My parents provided what I needed. Sometimes what I wanted just wasn’t in the cards. So what’s different now? Is it really as simple as buying for your kids because you can afford it? You can’t guarantee their financial future, and they need to be prepared to make choices. Start preparing them now.
8. Making assumptions (kids and parents)
In this commercial, the son has assumed (understandably) that mom will replace the lost backpack. Mom has also made some assumptions: that this is normal and how it’s going to be, that her son is incapable of functioning without the backpack, that he’s not competent, and that she has to jump in and fix it for him.
On a Personal Note
I’ve been the fixer, too. My son set me straight: when I lowered expectations (or asked to have them lowered for him at one time), what he heard was that I didn’t believe he was capable of achieving on his own. Instead of building self-esteem, I contributed towards lowering it. Some of you know what I’m talking about. Please, spend some time with this idea. Do it for your kids.
The Replace Takeaway
It’s only a commercial. However, if you look below the surface, it’s a ‘teachable moment.’ There are so many messages we unknowingly send our children. Some are inspiring; others not so much. What messages are you sending?
Look at the list again. What resonates with you? Which one makes you uncomfortable? Pay special attention to the one that makes you uncomfortable. This is the one you most need to look at. Do it for your kids.
I sign off on my messages with “Be well, be strong, be a courageous parent.” If you need some help with that, you know how to find me.
For more on this topic, check out the full Saving Money collection
Featured Contributor: Fern Weis
Fern Weis is a Parent Coach and Family Recovery Coach. She helps parents of tweens, teens, and young adults who are going through difficult situations – from homework battles to addiction recovery – and all points in between. Fern works with parents to nurture the parent-child relationship, improve communication, and set firm and loving boundaries. Parents learn to confidently prepare their children to reach their potential and be successful through life’s challenges. Fern is regularly interviewed on Change Your Attitude…Change Your Life (WOR710 NYC), and is a contributor to Huffington Post and Ridgewood Moms.
- Website: fernweis.com
- Facebook: @YourFamilyMattersCoach
- Instagram: @Fern.Weis
