A marriage is supposed to be a long-term partnership. Many people think that it should always be good, but the reality is, there will be a lot of ups and downs. It is normal for a marriage to cycle through periods of conflict and growth. While there are normal ups and downs in a relationship, you can’t just sit back and do nothing. It takes everyone within the relationship to participate and take proactive action. Every relationship that wants to go beyond surviving and conflict and instead thrive requires communication from all people within the relationship at all times.
Communication methods have to be considered, as well as openness and honesty. Deliberate effort, empathy, and involvement are key. The goal is to learn how to best manage the good and bad in your marriage, strengthen your bond, have constructive conversations, and seek support when necessary.
But it isn’t always that easy. It is important that you identify when effort is worth it, or when to walk away. Walking away can sometimes be the best, but hardest step you need to take.
Ups and downs in a marriage, while normal, can be extremely difficult. To help you on your journey, here are some important tips to help you navigate the ups and downs in your marriage.
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Navigating the ups of a relationship
People may feel like there isn’t much to do when it comes to the ups of a relationship, but that is incorrect. First, you want to be able to acknowledge and appreciate the ups more, as well as learn how to nurture and initiate more ups. This will help you to create a strong foundation so that you can enjoy the ups, create more ups, and really strengthen your bond together so you can reduce conflicts and withstand challenges that arise in the future.
Appreciate the ups
First and foremost, you want to be able to acknowledge the ups and learn to appreciate them. Sometimes, ups can be prevented or halted when your focus is elsewhere, or still on the bad things in the relationship. You can start by actively showing your gratitude to your partner by expressing it in a way they would appreciate. This could be simple verbal affirmations, physical affection, acts of service, or quality time together. This can help make them feel valued, as well as keep the good times alive in your relationship.
Nurture your relationship
To nurture a relationship is to intentionally put care and effort into it. You want to actively cultivate a connection with each other. You want to make each other feel valued, safe, and supported. And you want a relationship where you can both grow together and build a life together. Prioritize quality time together, actively listen to each other, involve your partner in your activities, respect each other’s needs, and work towards deepening your bond.
Keep the romance alive
Keeping the romance alive is often something couples neglect. Either because they are too busy, too caught up in arguments, or it is something they just did not know that they had to do. It is vital that you make the effort to learn about each other and what would keep the romance alive in your relationship. Every marriage is unique, so consider what may work for you. It might take some experimentation at first. While big gestures or going out to do things can work wonders, don’t forget about the basic, foundational parts of a relationship that will support you, such as communication, consistent effort, sharing part of yourself with each other, and more.
Navigating the downs of a relationship
The bad part of a relationship will look different for everyone. But generally, there are a few things that everyone can think about to help them navigate the downs.
Be respectful
It is important when there are bad times in a relationship to stay not only empathetic, but also respectful to one another. It is easy to start blaming each other or using negative tones and language. When you stay above this and respect one another, you are creating a solid foundation of safety and connection to begin repairing from. It can be hard when you are struggling with each other, but respect can help the situation from escalating further.
Learn how to manage your own stuff
One of the biggest issues in relationships is when either or both of the partners within the relationship don’t know how to manage stress. Of course, you want to be able to lean on each other, but if your own nervous system isn’t regulated and you cannot manage your own self, then this can create a huge disconnect in a relationship. You need to be able to support yourself and be there for yourself first, then you will both have more capacity to support each other. This may also reduce a lot of tension and arguments within a relationship. Consider what triggers you and what coping strategies you can implement into your life for positive change.
Know when to walk away
If the downs in your relationship are bad or they are toxic, then sometimes repairing your relationship might not be the best thing to do. You need to be honest with yourself, as no one can make the decision for you. While it might be hard to walk away, sometimes it is the best thing to do.
Many people in a bad marriage will put this off because they don’t know what to do after a divorce. This shouldn’t stop you. You should both have an honest conversation about whether your relationship is working and whether it is time to walk away. This may take a few conversations and space to think, especially if you have children to think about in your family dynamic.
Ups and Downs of Marriage Conclusion
Marriage is a journey, and it takes everyone within the relationship to put in the effort, to show up, to be consistent, and to communicate effectively. You need a strong foundation within yourself and with each other to be able to handle the downs and build on the ups.
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