Karissa Tunis

Raising Kids to Have Strong Sibling Bonds

Having three kids is a lot of work. It’s a lot of laundry. A lot of school paperwork. And there are a lot of toys to clean up. However, it is also three times the fun …. or so I always try to remind myself 😉 Three kids within four years was a big commitment, and it has taken a lot of patience! But, I learned early on that if I can encourage these little people to get along, than my life will be much much easier! My goal is to raise my kids to have strong sibling bonds both now AND in the future.

…

How to Get Along with Adult Siblings

I am so lucky to be one of four girls! (Yes, my poor dad had 4 daughters, and I am the oldest of the bunch.) But as you can imagine, we have had to figure out how to get along with adult siblings over the years. I feel so fortunate to have great relationships with my sisters, which is why I want to share what works well for us!

…

When to Give a Group Time Out

Having three children means that there is a lot of activity in our house! And for the most part, there is a lot of love and laughter. Nothing makes me as happy as watching these three humans, who I helped to create, play together in a kind and harmonious way! However, there are times when someone gets upset. Whether sharing suddenly becomes painfully difficult. Someone starts crying because their feelings were hurt. Or things build into a nasty argument/fight…… Whatever the reason, we have all needed to step in and mediate these sibling rivals and quarrels. But have you ever considered giving a group time out?…

How to Ease the Transition to Two Kids

I was very nervous about the birth of my second child. I had heard stories of how the transition from one to two children was much worse than the transition from zero to one. This was hard for me to imagine since my transition from no children to one colicky baby was a rough one. I knew that we would survive whatever was thrown our way, but part of me dreaded the new baby’s first year and having to transition to two kids!

For more on this topic, check out the full Siblings collection

I saw friends struggle through the transition. I was one of the last ones in our circle of mom friends to join the Mom of Two Club. This meant that everyone else already had their hands full with their own children, and wouldn’t be able to help me much with my own transition. It also meant that I heard their difficulties and worried about what we might be up against.

Luckily, it also meant that I could watch and learn. I could see what worked, what didn’t, and how quickly things seemed to get easier.

And eventually, I was blessed with a baby who did not have colic AND was much happier than my first. I also had an independent three year old who has a soft spot for the baby, and took pride in his job as a brother 🙂

I understand that all situations are different. But here are 3 things that helped us with our transition to two kids, and I hope that they help you as well:

1. Don’t Ooo & Ahh Over Baby

Babies love and desire attention. They are adorable and perfect, and don’t get on your nerves as much as a toddler can. However, they do not understand when you tell them that they are beautiful, or perfect, or cute, or amazing. But their big sibling definitely understands.

I made an effort not to praise the new baby too much while big brother was around. And if I did, I included my older son – “Isn’t your little brother so cute?” “I have such sweet boys!”

Of course, I always made sure that baby felt loved. And when big brother wasn’t around, I gushed about how perfect he was. But it was important not to make my first son feel like he was completely dethroned and now second best.

2. Don’t Push First Sibling Aside

Life gets much busier when you transition to two kids. Days fly by in a whirlwind of feedings, naps, and diapers. There are dirty dishes, laundry, and vacuuming to be done.

The first child can get lost in the chaos because they are more self sufficient. They might not get attention from mommy because the load of poop stained onesies needs washed.

But it is important to give that first child plenty of one on one attention. I tried my best to ignore other responsibilities and spend one-on-one time with big brother while little brother was sleeping. We had a lot of quality time playing games, coloring, doing puzzles, and just playing while the baby slept.

3. Emphasize Big Sibling’s Role

Your first child has a huge role in their baby sibling’s life. They are role models, care takers, play mates, and teachers.

You, of course, don’t want to force your child into a role of taking care of their sibling unwillingly. But you should help them build that sibling bond, and encourage them to be a helper. They can grab diapers for you, they can bring snacks for everyone to share, and they can play peek a boo with the baby while you make them lunch.

You are the parent. But the older sibling deserves responsibility in caring for their new baby too. My son loved this role, and it made him feel that he was still a very important part of the family. He takes his job as big brother seriously, and he is wonderful at it!

Transition to Two Kids

The transition will never be perfectly smooth. There will always be mommy guilt and sibling rivalry. But having two children opens up the doors for new relationships and growth for every person in the family. And it can all be an incredible experience!

For more on this topic, check out the full Siblings collection

My Job as a Brother (Free Printable)

Click, print, and hang this free brother printable in your son’s room. Remind him that he has an important job in your family: being a great brother!

For more on this topic, check out the full Siblings collection

And for more on this topic, check out the full Siblings collection

My Job as a Sister (Free Printable)

Print, frame, and hang this free sister printable in your daughter’s room. Remind her that she has an important job in your family: being a great sister!

For more on this topic, check out the full Siblings collection

And for more on this topic, check out the full Siblings collection

No-Bake Chocolate Granola Bar Recipe

The perfect alternative to store-bought candy bars and granola bars! This healthy no-bake chocolate granola bar recipe is easy enough for kids to make, and irresistible for kids of all ages! Consider making a large batch and freezing individual bars for grab-and-go snacks, or to pack in lunches!…

Letter to My Sibling – Writing Prompts & Free Printable

Sibling relationships can be complicated. Our children spend a lot of time together, and they are bound to get on each other’s nerves from time to time. But… it is important that we help them remember why they like each other. This simple writing prompt can help your children reconnect. There is value in writing these letters for each other, and your children will cherish the letters that they receive from their brothers and sisters! So help them get started today, and take advantage of this free ‘write a letter to my sibling’ printable below.

…

Reduce Sibling Rivalry and Fighting with this One Tip

At the time of me writing this, it’s February… which means that my kids haven’t had a normal week of school in a very long time. Between illnesses and snow days, my boys have spent a lot of time at home recently. While normally spending more time at home can leave me feeling stressed as I wonder how to reduce the sibling rivalry and fighting that could deplete my energy as a mother… this time it was different. This time something actually amazing happened…

For more on this topic, check out the full Siblings collection

Sibling Arguments Do Happen

Something interesting always seems to happen when my boys get to spend more time together.

At first, they are at each other constantly. I have to be a referee, a cruise director, and a high caliber mediator on top of all of my normal responsibilities as Mom. My first thought is often that I just need to separate them. I need to sign them up for different activities, or at the very least put them in different rooms. But… just when things start to seem impossible, something magical always happens…

They remember that they like each other

My biggest a-ha moment with this was over the summer. For the first time, I didn’t arrange any childcare, any camps, or any activities for the entire summer. It was just me and my two sons, all day every day. I knew it would be a bit crazy, but I wanted to give us all a break from the normal schedules and give us space to just relax and have some summer fun. We decided to try trading activities for more play time, and the benefits were incredible!

Although, shortly into summer break, I started to worry that I had made a big mistake. How was I supposed to get any work done when the boys were constantly at each other? How was I supposed to take them anywhere fun when they would whine if their brother even looked at them? And how was I supposed to survive months of this without becoming the mom I didn’t want to be? I was desperate to figure out how to reduce their sibling rivalry and fighting!

But sure enough, after about two weeks of a lot of tension, everything shifted!

They figured out how to be around each other again

After a whole school year of being in separate classrooms and being signed up for different activities, they had forgotten how to play together. They had spent so much time apart that they needed to sort things out and reconnect.

It was amazing to see how the fighting virtually stopped, and they started cooperating and entertaining themselves. They became a team again where each of them had ideas to contribute. They started really communicating with each other instead of just snapping at the other person. And they weren’t so competitive anymore as they figured out compromises on their own.

It made my heart so happy to see!

I hadn’t done anything revolutionary to make it happen. I essentially kept my composure as much as I could, and weathered the storm until the sun came out again. We survived two weeks of emotions running high, but it was all totally worthwhile. They found that strong sibling bond again.

The previous summer when we went on vacation, it was not a pleasant experience. The boys had been in childcare three days a week all summer long and were doing their own thing most of the time. This meant that our one week vacation was the time where they were not used to being together and enjoying each other’s company. I spent the entire week frustrated, exhausted, and embarrassed by their behavior… I barely recognized my own kids!

However, the summer where they were together all the time, our vacation went so much more smoothly. There was minimal bickering, and they actually enjoyed doing things together the entire week! It was such a marked change from the year before, and such a relief to be able to genuinely enjoy our time together.

So what have I learned from all of this?

I’ve learned that sometimes you have to weather the storm to see the sunshine.

That it’s okay for your kids to sort things out on their own.

That sometimes it just takes time for them to reconnect.

And most importantly…

My kids need more time together, not less, in order to improve their sibling relationship. They need more time together in order to reduce the sibling rivalry and fighting.

So while it is not an easy process, or even one that is feasible for every family, I would encourage you to give your kids space to simply spend more time with each other on a regular basis. Whether this means that you also try trading activities for more play time at home, or keeping the kids home all summer; that time together is truly good for them!

Once you get through the hard part, you will start to notice that winter breaks, spring breaks, and summer breaks are all much more manageable. Sure, they might need some time to readjust each time. But the more you can give them space to spend time together on a regular basis, the easier your job will be in the long-run!

For more on this topic, check out the full Siblings collection

Family Conversation Starters – Siblings

We hear all the time how important it is to open up the lines of communication. Communication improves relationships with partners, friends, and coworkers; but we can’t forget that it also improves our relationships with our children.

Taking the time to have a genuine conversation with your child can be so much fun and so insightful! It also helps to build up a great family bond, which is why we are offering a few family conversation starters to go a long with each curated collection of content….